Christmas comes but once a year

And when it comes

It brings good cheer

A season of goodwill and fun

And yet, while most of us feel festive

Grinches out there just get restive

And spoil it all for everyone

Though it's too much

To expect you to be nice

You'll find that life is easier

With this advice

Try not to be a cunt it's Christmas

Take a tip from Santa's elf

The rest of us are doing

Our best to be jolly

So don't go looking like

You've swallowed a bunch of holly

Don't shout at carol singers

And tell them to stop

Don't buy your presents

From the Oxfam shop

For fuck's sake be merry

Have another sherry

And try not to be a cunt

Don't refuse to take your

Neighbours' parcels in

Don't drop a Brussels sprout

In your grandma's gin

Don't be a fucking wally

Get back on your trolley

And try not to be a cunt

'Cause Santa's coming

Try not to be a cunt

Look there's a reindeer

Try not to be a cunt

C - U - N – T

Cuntity cuntity cunt